Slacking

HI

I have received a few emails wondering why I haven't made a post lately and I don't have a very good reason other than I am a slacker. Matt and I haven't done very much of interest and I hate they way I am looking in pictures so I never want to take any. I am a little mad at the few people I am close with that have babies (Emily...I'm lookin' at you!) for not fully warning me what I was getting myself into. So I am dedicating this post to all those people without children who are thinking of becoming pregnant. Let's start from the beginning shall we...

1.) You may feel nauseous
      Truth: One day you wake up feeling like you have the worst hangover of your life and the most horrendous flu of your life at the exact same time. And it will last 12 weeks--or in my case 22-- (I will do the math for you that is 3 months--5 in my case--). You can't think of food or you throw up, you can't see a commercial for food or you throw up and if you smell food you throw up several times. Warning: several other smells may illicit the same response.

2.) You may feel tired
      Truth: You are so tired that you only take a shower once every 3 days because the simple act of getting wet and washing your hair causes you to take a 3 hour nap. Unless you have a personal assistant or groomer forget doing your hair and makeup.You are so tired that you try to rationalize closing your eyes while driving.

3.) You may have body changes other than a growing belly
     Truth: Your body looks like it is from outer space. Every vein in your body comes to the surfaces to form what looks like a road map of the Continental United States. Your abdominal muscles first disappear then split to form an attractive torpedo shape. You no longer recognize your face in the mirror because it is so swollen, your nose changes shape and you are plagued by zits that only a 15 year old would understand.

4.) You may have mood swings
     Truth: Personally, I lucked out for the first 5-6 months, I was so sick I couldn't force enough energy to form a mood swing. However, now that I have more time on my hands because I am not running to the bathroom, I have been able to fully enjoy all the wonderful hormone fluctuations of pregnancy. Anything and everything can cause an End of the World type of breakdown complete with tears, yelling, laughing and irrational outbursts. The worst part about it is, you know you are being ridiculous and you want to stop, but you can't!

5.) Your feet and hands may swell
      Truth: Feet and hands? Ha, more like nose to toes. I didn't even know it was possible to retain 20lbs of water. Your whole body is capable of swelling within a matter of hours. An outfit that fits in the house while you are getting ready to go out all of a sudden looks like it belongs on a doll because you have swelled to 2x your size between the bedroom and your destination. This is turn will usually cause an emotional breakdown and mood shift.

6.) You should gain between 25-35 pounds during the total 40 weeks of pregnancy
      Truth: You have limited control of how much weight you gain. I eat 1700-1800 calories a day and am boarder line obsessed with keeping track of them, 90% of the time I eat a high quality, fresh and balanced diet filled with lean protein, whole grains, limited amounts of processed food and very little refined sugar. I have gained over 30lbs in 29 weeks. While a friend at work eats potato chips, sweets, Taco Bell and loads of processed foods has gained 5lbs in 23 weeks. This also causes an emotional breakdown and mood shift.

7.) You may experience a fuzzy brain AKA Pregnancy Brain
     Truth: You may as well invest in a small note pad and write every thought, date, need or word that crosses your mind down because you will no longer be able to form a complete sentence or remember common nouns. Trying to ask your husband to put the leftovers in a container becomes: "Hey, you, guy, can you put that stuff we just ate into one of those things that we keep under the counter? You know, the things, in there? The ones with a lid so you can take it to work tomorrow." The frustration with being aware you can't remember something also causes an emotional breakdown and mood shift.

8.) You may feel the baby move around week 18
     Truth: It doesn't matter when you feel them move, it will be the best day of your life to know that you endured all these supernatural things and have a tiny person growing inside you. One small person is able to cause so many physical and emotional changes and at the same time fill you with so much love.

There are many more May's and Truths to pregnancy, but these are the big ones no one told me about. Now for those of you who have never been pregnant or who have forgotten what it was like: Never tell a pregnant person they look huge, like they are having twins or they look further/less along than they are. This all causes emotional distress. Also, please remember that we are pregnant, not severely handicapped and are capable of doing a lot of things on our own. It may take us longer and we may not look pretty doing it and we may not be able to bend over to do it, but we still want to feel like we are in control of the situation. Sometimes it is ok to ask if you can help but only after you have seen us try to do it first. Smile and tell us we are adorable, no matter what.



His contracts clearly states he must appear in 90% of posts